Private message to Narcissa Malfoy

[alt_sinistra]

Narcissa -

Raz told me a bit about your conversation yesterday. It has indeed been a very difficult week, following challenging months. Far more my fault than his, though a chance to rest and talk things through has helped me begin to get my feet under me again. I think the best way forward is a bit blunt, to avoid further confusion. I hope you don’t mind.

I was a very late bloomer in a number of ways - in school outside of astronomy, in making friends, in social graces, in dating. I’ve never had many close friends, and those I’ve been closest to have mostly been family or other astronomers.

I do enjoy what one of my mentors called friendly acquaintanceships - so many topics are interesting, if you’re talking with someone who cares about them. But making that next step to true friendship and sharing more personal things is usually very slow for me. That Raz and I ended up as we did still amazes me as much as it delights me.

And when things are not going smoothly, I get even more careful. (Blame it on spending so much time in a field where precision is an illuminating virtue.) That makes it particularly hard, I think, to share how I’m feeling when there’s a problem. Or a question. Or a weakness.

However, this week has been proof that what I’ve been trying on my own is not enough, in a number of ways, and that some changes are necessary. If you are still willing to offer advice, to let me ask questions, to share your time, I would be most grateful.

I don’t have any particular appointments between now and the reception, and I certainly do have a few related questions I’d love your help with. Or if that’s not possible, once we’re past Saturday, much of my calendar is open until we go back to school. I do appreciate, again, every kindness you’ve shown me on Raz’s behalf.

Comments

[alt_narcissa]

My dear Aurora,

Thank you, first of all, for your vote of confidence. Believe me, I can entirely understand the difficulty of placing one's trust in another. It may surprise you to learn that it is more common among women than one might think. Particularly Slytherin witches, if you take my meaning. I am sure you have opportunity to observe them at their worst.

Now, I do apologise for not replying earlier. I did have several appointments that did not leave me at liberty. Next week, I shall be certain to clear away some time; I would very much like to get to know you better, if you'll allow me.

You have asked for my advice so let me be just as blunt in return: Within the Council, and by extension, among their partners, it is essential to know who one's allies are. There are very sound reasons that Ursula, Pandora, Diana and I spend so much time together and it is not limited to having been in the same class at Hogwarts. (Indeed, Pandora is much closer to your age but the commonality of purpose stands.)

You are quite right that displaying weakness can make things difficult not only for ourselves, but our mates as well. That is why it is a very wise choice to be able to unburden oneself from time to time - but not to just anyone. It must be someone who is possessed of a similar knowledge, who has a reason to exchange trust for trust, who will keep one's counsel private, and above all who may offer the sort of practical advice that one cannot find anywhere else. I can guarantee that no matter whom you consider your closest confidante at present, one who is removed from the circle of the Lord Protector simply cannot understand the mysteries that govern Him or His nearest. Nor would they ever draw the correct conclusions from evidence that must seem labyrinthine from the outside - and that must, perforce, remain closely guarded.

I am not sure whether you have ever heard the earthy saying that government is rather like the inside of a sausage factory? Even among such illustrious figures as Our Lord's own, I am afraid it is entirely the case. No one who has not been there can possibly provide the guidance or support one needs once one crosses the threshold.

I don't wish you to think Council membership is all grave pronouncements and dire acts of the utmost loyalty - I hope you've seen the contrary for yourself! But when things do take on a sombre tone, well, it is invaluable to know that there are others who know your mind without your needing to speak it, but who will be willing to listen without judgement when it is time.

There is one other thing I should like to make plain for you: Indeed, we are all grateful to you for affecting remarkable change in our Razzer. However, it is not entirely on his behalf that I have put myself at your disposal. I assure you, if I did not find in you much to admire, I could have chosen quite a different avenue to pursue.

So, please, from here on, let us dispense with protestations and modest self-deprecations. And by all means, let us not stand on ceremony with one another! Let us instead endeavour to become comfortable with one another on equal terms.

-Narcissa

[alt_sinistra]

Narcissa -

Such a lot for me to think about here, and I appreciate every bit of your frankness and advice. I would love time next week. Perhaps something quiet and fairly private? It would be easier for me to talk more freely that way.

And I’ll be equally honest that there are aspects of the luxuries that Raz and you, and the Council members in general enjoy that can make it hard for me to truly relax. My family does well enough for themselves, but this is an entirely different scale. I’d be much more comfortable talking over a meal, or in a garden, or a museum, than a spa (as enjoyable as the last is.)

You are quite right on the challenges of placing trust (though, honestly, I’ve long had far more difficulty with Ravenclaw witches than Slytherin: I’d far rather deal with subtlety than outright sniping.)

One of the things I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about, this past month, is that question of who to talk to. The Games, well. Quite a shock, and it’s taken me the time since to even begin to be able to talk to Raz about some of it. And others I’d normally turn to are clearly out of the question or just don't understand the complexities. (And with all the added pain that two of those wreaths were for students I’d taught.)

And yet, clearly, talking is helpful. Necessary. If I'm to move forward.

One thing that’s frustrated Raz this week, talking through some of this, is how sheltered I was in the 80s. I left school in 82, just after Our Lord took the Ministry, but I went straight from there to a very isolated research position. Aldebarana was lovely in many ways, and I look back very fondly on that time. But she didn’t want us distracted or hurt, so I barely left her property for, well, years, other than a few family visits. I heard the news, of course, but it was very different than Raz’s experience, or yours, or most people’s.

And so, finding myself where I am now is, yes, unsettling. I feel entirely like I’ve been transported to Australia, and that none of the stars are as they should be, and yet knowing that they make sense, too, in their own way, once I can learn their patterns.

I am so very glad you’re willing to help. (And I admit, delighted to learn that it’s not solely on Raz’s account. That too, makes it easier to feel more open with you.) I hope this is something of a better beginning for that, and I am looking forward to where we might go together from here.

Aurora