Private message to Raz

[alt_sinistra]

Dearest -

The talk with Dai, well, we are talking again finally, so that’s progress. Took an awful lot of yelling (more me than him) though. Hurrah for the amazing powers of sheer bloody-minded stubbornness, I guess.

Still at the Guild - Georg’s plying me with coffee and comets, and he says he’ll walk me home when I’m ready. Could be another hour or three, since I may as well check a few things in the library while I’m here. (And is that the first time I’ve actually called Spence home? Might be.)

And love? This argument, it made it so very clear how you’ve changed me for the better. Thank you for that and your patience.

Comments

[alt_rabastan]

Good to hear it went well, love. If things had gone pear-shaped, I'd hardly be able to do much about it- except pour you a drink, of course. But honestly, yelling? I don't fault you for trying, but see here, you've shifted the life-story he envisioned for himself, yeah? You know, the one where the two of you end up together. And blokes who are proud, they don't give up easily on that sort of thing. I expect he won't truly budge until he knows that his vision is just the stuff of fancy, which might not be until well after we're married. Or never at all.

I have a hard time seeing how I've changed you for the better. I'm sceptical, see, because you were pretty close to perfect when we met. Plus there's all those comments I get now about how a "good woman" has finally brought out the best in me and whatnot. So far as I can tell, the situation is quite reversed.

[alt_sinistra]

We didn't even touch on his romantic inclinations. Not really. (The last time we tried - well before I ever met you - it went so very badly. Much much worse than today. There was broken crockery. And I think a chair.) But he's had plenty of chances to do something about that, and hasn't.

But it's more - you're right, the life-story he'd envisioned. I was supposed to have this nice safe little trajectory: learn my field, go teach, live happily ever after in Hogwarts, with stars. And while I'm still very much hoping for "live happily ever after" - and Hogwarts, and stars - it is coming out in rather a different way than I ever expected.

Anyway, even more than the romance, I think he's held out hope that somehow, being at Hogwarts, I'd be safe and secure and he wouldn't need to worry about me. (How one could possibly think that given the Carrows, I've no idea. Or three years ago. Or two years ago, for that matter. And last year wasn't exactly safe either, just in different locations.)

But about perfection - don't you dare go putting me on a pedastal, Rabastan Basil Lestrange.

I am perfectly aware I've any number of tedious habits and flaws, and things I should be much better about. Yes, I like to think I'm good for you. But you're every bit as good for me. The hols have brought it home. Today, not feeling nearly as flat-footed as I usually do when things take a turn I couldn't plan for. Feeling like I had some sense of control, wasn't constantly a beat behind somehow. And even the harder things(Hypatia, that conversation with Chloe, or some of the social bits), it - I think I'm managing better. Eventually, anyway.

Which, love, is pretty much all you. (Though Tosha's also been a help.)

Speaking of bad habits, I am currently buried in parchment, and will be later than I thought.

[alt_rabastan]

I'm pretty sure that I'm allowed to put you on a pedastal now, and then for at least a year after the honeymoon (the "honeymoon phase," yeah?). And then, shortly thereafter, I'm mean to find all sorts of flaws that I never saw in you before, which I shall lament about to my mates while getting pissed on ale. So no worries, we'll get there eventually.

That new found sure-footedness you've got is just as much a product of navigating new and different social circles as it is a product of my influence. Reckon that's just what happens when you leave the tower. Now, credit for getting you to leave the tower- that I'll take.

Come home when you can.

[alt_sinistra]

Also please take credit for getting me to laugh, would you?

(Though I do hope we can avoid some of the less pleasant parts of the post-honeymoon-phase. Some of them seem so very unappealing. I am perhaps naive here.)

I think I'm not explaining very well, too, but that's all right. It'll keep. Just, today, made me think, over and over, about using the right tool, the right way, in the right moment. All the things you've taught me about wands, and words, and presence, and reacting. See? Explaining badly, I'm sure.

Anyway, I am nearly done here, and I'll get Georg to walk me back. Half an hour maybe?