End of the year

[alt_sinistra]

It seems impossible that we’re at the end of the year - so much has happened. I know that many will be sorry to see friends and acquaintances from among our guests go, but I’m sure we’ll all enjoy the feast tonight, before seeing the contingents off tomorrow.

At the same time, I do look forward to the summer activities, and then to what next year might bring. And I’ve had a few questions about the summer.

CCF: 4th and 5th years will be participating the same weeks - July 27th to August 18th. You’ll have separate housing and facilities, and largely separate training, but will be working with the same instructors, and sharing some special activities. More information will be sent home as soon as we’ve finished our committee meetings - you should expect an owl June 27th or 28th with all the details.

Students entering 2nd and 3rd year should find information about your trips waiting when you arrive home.

Comments

Private message to Raz

[alt_sinistra]

Love,

Do you need a hand wrapping anything up? Just handed in my own marks to Septima.

Also, been thinking. I think maybe you need to talk to someone about Monday who’s not Harry.

Look. If you think it’d help at all, can we give me a chance to show you I can do the work? That we can, together, do better than on our own.

Because this isn’t going to be the last thing like this, and we both know it.

I know I worried you, after the Frost Faire. (Worried me too. All at once, and so startling, and too many first times, and all the other stresses.) I’ve rearranged my model of the cosmos since, and this is scary, but no longer so totally unexpected. And I’ve put together enough pieces that facts might be better than imagined fears.

If I can’t cope now, can’t help now, then we need to figure that out and better sooner than later. (And I’d like there to be a later with you. Still. More than ever.) I’m scared about asking this, but I’m even more scared about what happens if I don’t.

If what you want is for me to drop it and talk entirely of other things, just tell me. I will, I promise. Whatever you need. Have my journal handy, expect to be in my rooms (except for tea with Poppy) until supper, but I’ll give you space until you let me know what you want. But I had to ask. Offer.

Love you. Even more in the dark times.

Re: Private message to Raz

[alt_rabastan]

I'm not going to go through the details of what happened because they were not, in fact, new or novel. It hasn't happened recently, no, but this isn't the first time I've been cruciated, or have had to watch it be inflicted on others. Not the first execution I've seen, either (if you hadn't yet put together the truth of Travers death- well, there you have it).

So all that's left is that I failed Harry. I failed that kid, and it's all that I can do. No matter how much I try to help him or think I am, I can never, ever do right by him.

And really, I'm not sure there's anything to talk about, regarding that. I don't want to be convinced that I'm over-reacting or looking at it the wrong way, because I know that I'm not. I don't want to be comforted and told that I did the best I can, because I don't and I haven't.

So you see, there's just no talking through this.

Don't worry. In time I'm manage to push it to the back of my psyche along with all the other dark things. I'm very good at that. I'll be back to normal soon enough.

And thank you for caring, love, but this is... no. There's nothing to say.

Re: Private message to Raz

[alt_sinistra]

Oh, love.

First. Thank you. That helps. I'd much rather know what to avoid. The uncertainty, worrying I might get it wrong, was making me wary of saying anything at all. And that's a fast route to brittle society witch. Neither of us wants that, right?

I had guessed about Travers. The obituary was subtle enough, but I'd enough other pieces to add it all up. (You. Something Narcissa didn't say. A few other things.)

On Harry, all I'll say is what I've said before. I'm glad you care so for him, his well-being. More people should. And glad he cares for you, too.

Right. Onward.

You know where I am if you want a walk, or a fly, or anything else along those lines. No talking required. And I've a better idea how to go on.

Re: Private message to Raz

[alt_rabastan]

Oh, I don't know, I might do well with a brittle society witch. Someone to dominate me, boss me around, keep me in line, that sort of thing. Seems I work well with those types, since I have a history of it.

This is not me wallowing. It's a mere statement of truth.

I know where to find you, but forgive me if I don't just yet. I need to be alone with myself. When I'm with you I start thinking I'm the man you think I am to see myself the way you see me, and you're far too generous, you know. Again, just a statement of truth.

I can tell you that I do know many others must feel this helpless, to some degree. There's a bizarre sort of comfort in that. But only just.

I'll be back soon, promise.

Re: Private message to Raz

[alt_sinistra]

I'd rather share than rule, love. But we could discuss further, if you really want.

On the rest, I do hope I see the best in you. Lover's prerogative to insist I'm being fair. Though given how your family treats you, would you know it to see it?

Take the time you need. Truly. I've more than enough up the tower to occupy me for a bit.