In the dark hours last night, my thoughts kept circling back to our conversation in April. About how necessary it is to be a support and not a detriment, in particular. Just, some of it’s hard to tell about, till you have a real test, isn’t it?
And I worry that.. well. I’m used to being able to see everything laid out before me, in tidy charts and calculations. Something measureable, anyway. Defined. And then being able to do something with it, make some improvement. (Curse and blessing of my house, that.)
This - Council business, I mean - I only see the faintest edges and hints, and it’s an entirely new set of challenges. More Quidditch than stars, and I’m afraid of the collisions. I keep being worried I’ll make things worse - for Raz, for Harry, for others - by some suggestion. And yet, saying nothing is clearly not helpful either. Every metaphor I try feels splinched.
(And Raz was ... stubborn last night, which I understand, but has its own complications.)
Looking at this, my mind’s clearly running away on its own, and I hesitate to bother you. It's certainly not urgent at this point. I hope. But if nothing else, perhaps we could talk further once I’m up in New London for the summer, between my various YPL commitments.
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Private message to Narcissa Malfoy
Date: 2012-06-12 01:56 pm (UTC)In the dark hours last night, my thoughts kept circling back to our conversation in April. About how necessary it is to be a support and not a detriment, in particular. Just, some of it’s hard to tell about, till you have a real test, isn’t it?
And I worry that.. well. I’m used to being able to see everything laid out before me, in tidy charts and calculations. Something measureable, anyway. Defined. And then being able to do something with it, make some improvement. (Curse and blessing of my house, that.)
This - Council business, I mean - I only see the faintest edges and hints, and it’s an entirely new set of challenges. More Quidditch than stars, and I’m afraid of the collisions. I keep being worried I’ll make things worse - for Raz, for Harry, for others - by some suggestion. And yet, saying nothing is clearly not helpful either.
Every metaphor I try feels splinched.(And Raz was ... stubborn last night, which I understand, but has its own complications.)
Looking at this, my mind’s clearly running away on its own, and I hesitate to bother you. It's certainly not urgent at this point.
I hope.But if nothing else, perhaps we could talk further once I’m up in New London for the summer, between my various YPL commitments.I admire the balance you’ve found more every day.