I’m sorry for leading you to fret. (Though, “little sunshine”? Really?) I am slow to deal with change and new things. Always have been. But truly, I come to it in time.
A long dose of dark skies and myriad points of light did eventually help. And sleeping in my own bed was better, in the end, than it might be. (I did not wish to risk startling Raz - or making him go short on sleep, for that matter. And after two weeks, I admit the daybed in my office was wearing on me. See, I am being as forthright as I can.)
At any rate, you are quite right about change. It’s Sunday, with my family, that I kept coming back to last night. I am - well, I was a fiercely independent child, and very much the odd one out growing up for one reason and another. (So very devoted to my stars.) And unlike the rest, I never lived with my parents after leaving school, much as I do love them both. Just visits, and never more than a week at once.
But Sunday they - every single one, down to Theo - did every possible thing to make sure that Raz and I would have as enjoyable a time of it as we could. Diverted the difficult conversations. Distracted the Predictable Aunts. Kept the cousin I can’t stand - I admit, I’ve been holding a grudge since we were 16 - away from me. And every bit of it, without a hint of the effort and coordination it took.
And I don’t even know where to start with that. I wouldn’t have dared ask for it. And especially not on a day that should have been entirely about my father. I do have time planned with my best brother, next week, which - well, he can help me untangle as much as anyone can. And watching him work with his hands is entirely soothing.
There’s so many things I can’t talk to them about - not even Storm. But maybe there’s other ways of being, and being loved, and... Ah, well. Now I’m entirely tangled again, though in a different place in the skein. Progress, at any rate.
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Re: Private Message to Aurora Sinistra
Date: 2012-11-20 02:26 pm (UTC)I’m sorry for leading you to fret. (Though, “little sunshine”? Really?) I am slow to deal with change and new things. Always have been. But truly, I come to it in time.
A long dose of dark skies and myriad points of light did eventually help. And sleeping in my own bed was better, in the end, than it might be. (I did not wish to risk startling Raz - or making him go short on sleep, for that matter. And after two weeks, I admit the daybed in my office was wearing on me. See, I am being as forthright as I can.)
At any rate, you are quite right about change. It’s Sunday, with my family, that I kept coming back to last night. I am - well, I was a fiercely independent child, and very much the odd one out growing up for one reason and another. (So very devoted to my stars.) And unlike the rest, I never lived with my parents after leaving school, much as I do love them both. Just visits, and never more than a week at once.
But Sunday they - every single one, down to Theo - did every possible thing to make sure that Raz and I would have as enjoyable a time of it as we could. Diverted the difficult conversations. Distracted the Predictable Aunts. Kept the cousin I can’t stand - I admit, I’ve been holding a grudge since we were 16 - away from me. And every bit of it, without a hint of the effort and coordination it took.
And I don’t even know where to start with that. I wouldn’t have dared ask for it. And especially not on a day that should have been entirely about my father. I do have time planned with my best brother, next week, which - well, he can help me untangle as much as anyone can. And watching him work with his hands is entirely soothing.
There’s so many things I can’t talk to them about - not even Storm. But maybe there’s other ways of being, and being loved, and... Ah, well. Now I’m entirely tangled again, though in a different place in the skein. Progress, at any rate.