Thanks again for the time Friday. (Do I need to say you are better and better at your craft every time I see you? Now if we can just get things so I can give Raz his wedding present. The desk for Tosha is also coming along gloriously. I made appropriate noises at him about it.)
I keep thinking about what Dittany said, when we were out rambling. That the waiting for the wedding was the hardest for her, waiting to anchor her loyalties where everyone could see, and begin to make something new. Tell her she's brill, would you? It finally helped me figure out why I've been so on edge this fortnight.
It's that conversation with students. What I said to them sounded so feeble and selfish and pitiful, the more I thought about it. Part of it's logic: what right do I have to risk Mum or Orion or Chiron or Dad, without asking? (Which is true, but not enough.)
But part of it is - how do you balance harm against harm, or help against help? Mum's doing real good right now with that programme she pushed through about the infusions and instruction and the supplements. The latest study - she just owled - says the deficiency conditions seem to be in decline. Slow, but measureable. And that's all Mum's stubborn insistence they could make it work.
And for all Chiron's a stick in the mud sometimes, he's not petty, and he's fair-minded, and he thinks through the implications of things, and if we've got to have an Internal Affairs department, I'd far rather people like him working in it than some.
And if Madam Pinkness removed me tomorrow, I think my students would pass their exams now. All the ones who would have, anyway. And I think Mum's job might be safe enough, or recoverable. It's not like it would have been in February. Madam Pinkness has fewer friends than she used to. This last round over hols, when she was poking at the Ministry again, stirred things up, I guess.
I'm not brave. But maybe I can be enough braver. If the opportunity comes. It might feel better than this feeling helpless and hopeless. I'm done with that.
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Private message to Storm Sinistra
Date: 2013-04-16 06:20 pm (UTC)I keep thinking about what Dittany said, when we were out rambling. That the waiting for the wedding was the hardest for her, waiting to anchor her loyalties where everyone could see, and begin to make something new. Tell her she's brill, would you? It finally helped me figure out why I've been so on edge this fortnight.
It's that conversation with students. What I said to them sounded so feeble and selfish and pitiful, the more I thought about it. Part of it's logic: what right do I have to risk Mum or Orion or Chiron or Dad, without asking? (Which is true, but not enough.)
But part of it is - how do you balance harm against harm, or help against help? Mum's doing real good right now with that programme she pushed through about the infusions and instruction and the supplements. The latest study - she just owled - says the deficiency conditions seem to be in decline. Slow, but measureable. And that's all Mum's stubborn insistence they could make it work.
And for all Chiron's a stick in the mud sometimes, he's not petty, and he's fair-minded, and he thinks through the implications of things, and if we've got to have an Internal Affairs department, I'd far rather people like him working in it than some.
And if Madam Pinkness removed me tomorrow, I think my students would pass their exams now. All the ones who would have, anyway. And I think Mum's job might be safe enough, or recoverable. It's not like it would have been in February. Madam Pinkness has fewer friends than she used to. This last round over hols, when she was poking at the Ministry again, stirred things up, I guess.
I'm not brave. But maybe I can be enough braver. If the opportunity comes. It might feel better than this feeling helpless and hopeless. I'm done with that.