Keeping my promise and checking in. It's harder than I hoped being back, and I hate how much my frustration and exhaustion kept bubbling over during hols themselves. (On that note, Tosha came and fiddled with my wards, and that, at least, is helping more than I thought it might. Tell Delilah if you would?)
I keep thinking back to last week, the two students I mentioned I'd seen. They - they're smart young women, and practical, not just brainy. They got pretty close to the truth on their own. It was so very hard talking about it (I can see your eyebrow go up at that understatement, but I did manage to duck out and hold onto my shreds of dignity when they named names.)
Part of me knows they're young. That there are things they needn't know about me, about Madam Headmistress, about their housemate. And then there's the part of me that won that night, that says that when I was their age, Alcor asked me if I'd be his successor. That remembers you working so hard to find your current orbit. All the other people, sure they knew what they needed and wanted.
And ... I won't dim the brightness of their stars in the sky. I'd never have told them if they hadn't asked, but they did. Guessed at a lot of it. And even while some of what I said sounded so feeble and so selfish (and probably is), at least talking is better than silence. Holds more hope than silence.
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Private message to Gilly Chadwick
Date: 2013-04-16 06:42 pm (UTC)Keeping my promise and checking in. It's harder than I hoped being back, and I hate how much my frustration and exhaustion kept bubbling over during hols themselves. (On that note, Tosha came and fiddled with my wards, and that, at least, is helping more than I thought it might. Tell Delilah if you would?)
I keep thinking back to last week, the two students I mentioned I'd seen. They - they're smart young women, and practical, not just brainy. They got pretty close to the truth on their own. It was so very hard talking about it (I can see your eyebrow go up at that understatement, but I did manage to duck out and hold onto my shreds of dignity when they named names.)
Part of me knows they're young. That there are things they needn't know about me, about Madam Headmistress, about their housemate. And then there's the part of me that won that night, that says that when I was their age, Alcor asked me if I'd be his successor. That remembers you working so hard to find your current orbit. All the other people, sure they knew what they needed and wanted.
And ... I won't dim the brightness of their stars in the sky. I'd never have told them if they hadn't asked, but they did. Guessed at a lot of it. And even while some of what I said sounded so feeble and so selfish (and probably is), at least talking is better than silence. Holds more hope than silence.
Maybe.