I'm not going to go through the details of what happened because they were not, in fact, new or novel. It hasn't happened recently, no, but this isn't the first time I've been cruciated, or have had to watch it be inflicted on others. Not the first execution I've seen, either (if you hadn't yet put together the truth of Travers death- well, there you have it).
So all that's left is that I failed Harry. I failed that kid, and it's all that I can do. No matter how much I try to help him or think I am, I can never, ever do right by him.
And really, I'm not sure there's anything to talk about, regarding that. I don't want to be convinced that I'm over-reacting or looking at it the wrong way, because I know that I'm not. I don't want to be comforted and told that I did the best I can, because I don't and I haven't.
So you see, there's just no talking through this.
Don't worry. In time I'm manage to push it to the back of my psyche along with all the other dark things. I'm very good at that. I'll be back to normal soon enough.
And thank you for caring, love, but this is... no. There's nothing to say.
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Re: Private message to Raz
Date: 2012-06-14 03:35 pm (UTC)So all that's left is that I failed Harry. I failed that kid, and it's all that I can do. No matter how much I try to help him or think I am, I can never, ever do right by him.
And really, I'm not sure there's anything to talk about, regarding that. I don't want to be convinced that I'm over-reacting or looking at it the wrong way, because I know that I'm not. I don't want to be comforted and told that I did the best I can, because I don't and I haven't.
So you see, there's just no talking through this.
Don't worry. In time I'm manage to push it to the back of my psyche along with all the other dark things. I'm very good at that. I'll be back to normal soon enough.
And thank you for caring, love, but this is... no. There's nothing to say.