Private message to Pomona
Mar. 3rd, 2012 07:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Pomona,
It feels terribly odd to do this, but I’m still buried in parchment work, so coming down to you would be tricky. But would you by chance have time to be a listening ear? Or eye, rather?
It might be easier if I don’t have to talk, just write, anyway.
It feels terribly odd to do this, but I’m still buried in parchment work, so coming down to you would be tricky. But would you by chance have time to be a listening ear? Or eye, rather?
It might be easier if I don’t have to talk, just write, anyway.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-04 12:08 am (UTC)How are you faring, dear?
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:12 am (UTC)I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I went for a walk, and I...
Look. I’ve known what the thestrals are - people do talk. But it’s the first time I’ve been able to see them. And I spent a lot of time there, just watching them and thinking. And then trying not to think.
Neither one seems to be helping.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:23 am (UTC)I'm so sorry.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:32 am (UTC)Known people who died - well, as you do.
And both Alde's death and Alcor's hit me hard, as I think you know. But they were also ready for it - they'd done what they'd wanted and lived full lives, and all that.
Saturday was, well. Totally different.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:39 am (UTC)And, well, witnessing death is always traumatic. My first was my Runes Professor, when I was a student. Keeled over, from some sort of heart ailment--I'll never forget the look on his face.
But recent events are something else again.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:45 am (UTC)And - well, to have it include students I'd taught.
I'm trying to be sensible about it, and know that I'm off kilter, and all that. (And Mum must have realised, because I got a long letter from her on Tuesday about some things.)
But, well. Is it better to just keep pushing, and doing my bit for the students we have here? Or am I doing myself - and them - a disservice by pretending that it's the same as it was last week?
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:49 am (UTC)Don't really think it's healthy, if you want to know the truth.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:52 am (UTC)I think some company in person would do you good, but in this one area...I can appreciate that you might have reservations.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:59 am (UTC)I put him off for a bit tonight - I really did need to get through a few more bits of parchment shuffling.
There are ways time with him is the only thing that really helps.
And there are ways in which it's the hardest thing ever, because our experiences are so far apart. We've talked about his past, but I haven't really spelled out mine - and how sheltered I was during the worst of things - the same way.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:13 am (UTC)Is your worry that he will become excessively overprotective...or rather the opposite?
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:22 am (UTC)On my worry - honestly, I don't quite know how to put it into words. He does get frustrated about not being able to protect me (and this YPL business is particularly hard that way, because they brought our relationship into it.)
But it's also that - well, as I said, I know what he's done. And he doesn't seem that bothered by Saturday.
Intellectually, I knew, he was scrupulous about telling me, and far more than I expected him to be, honestly. But I'm not sure in other ways, how I feel, if you see what I mean.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:29 am (UTC)Quite.
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Date: 2012-03-04 12:54 am (UTC)But also the other. It's just figuring out what to do about it that's hard.
In some ways, I'm very glad I've got to focus on this stupid investigation - it's given me something to do so I don't have to think so much just yet.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:15 am (UTC)I do believe that there is more at work in the world than we know.
I'm sorry you've been lumbered with that nonsense on top of everything else, but at least it's useful as distraction.
Just beware of the crash, after.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:26 am (UTC)On the crash - do you have any advice? Mum warned me the same, but all she suggested was taking time off, if I could, and that's clearly a problem. (And even the holidays, I'll have YPL meetings, and those are going to be worse than the investigation, in some ways, as I'll have to manage Stint.)
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:37 am (UTC)Give yourself plenty of time alone, and don't over-schedule yourself if you can avoid it--though that may not be possible.
Don't treat yourself harshly, in any way.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:40 am (UTC)As to the over-scheduling - ah, well. That's another point of contention in conversations with Raz.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:46 am (UTC)I have the greatest respect for your drive to help our students, but if nothing else, becoming Head of House taught me that you can only do so much if there's nothing left for you.
Don't be afraid to be a little selfish.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:52 am (UTC)But yes, there is that. And when Raz, and you, and Poppy, and my mother all say the same thing, perhaps it is wise to start listening.
Thank you, though. It helped a great deal to talk this out a bit. I should wrap up, now, though, as I expect Raz in not too long.
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Date: 2012-03-04 01:54 am (UTC)Think on it, in any case.
And with that I'll wish you a good night, with a hope for better dreams.