Private message to Tosha

[alt_sinistra]

I meant to write Friday. Or Saturday. Or before today. But - well. Taken me days to get my feet under me again.

Business first. Took all of Thursday and Friday, but Raz's the Defence classroom's all cleaned out, and the office, and Raz's and my rooms (and my things moved back to the seventh floor). Thank you again for loaning me Cedric's help - it was taking me forever to make the stupidest decisions.

I am planning to be back at Hogwarts starting Monday. There's the Guild end-of-season lectures here on Saturday, and I really ought to make an appearance, however brief. But I'm thinking - well. That it's better if I have time at school before there are students. To sort out how to deal with memories in private. Without making a fool of myself.

Second, Septima stopped by, while I was working in Raz's the Defence classroom, to see what I thought about the Head Boy and Girl choices. I didn't say much, but she's not happy. About that, and all the other changes, and well, everything. (I got rather an earful about how it's going to be so different with Horace gone, too.)

She offered something rather generous (to rearrange my schedule if I liked, and we both know how tedious that is for her), but I pointed out that if she did, I'd likely forget what I'm supposed to be teaching when, and that's no good for anyone. But then I said I'd appreciate picking up our old regular chats about arithmancy again (true enough, for my own reasons.)

That left the door for further conversations ajar, so if there's things you'd particularly like me to get her talking about, I'm willing to try. How are your other plans going? (And if there's something I could actually manage to be helpful with, you know you should ask.)

Also, so I can have things in place - you're going to be terribly busy, so should I sort out ways to distract myself on Fridays as well as the weekend? I am still entirely dreading Saturdays.

Comments

[alt_sinistra]

Oh, Toshenka.

You are a great help, and have been. And will be, come term, I am so very sure.

We can't change what's past, any of us. Just maybe what happens next.

[alt_antonin]

Yes. And if nothing else, we will both be able to hold our heads high and say we have done right by the children, as much as we were able given the pressures upon us; it's something, I suppose.

[alt_sinistra]

We are both in such a mood tonight, Tosha. But yes. It is something. Maybe enough. Won't know until we get there.

I have been reading Sophocles again, and thinking about Antigone, and impossible choices of loyalty and love. But also about the bit at the end of the first play that goes

That is why we wait to see the final day,
Not calling anybody happy who is mortal
Until he has passed the last milestone without calamity.

We can't tell what matters until it's over, ever. How it all adds up or doesn't. Who remembers us and why.

Looking at this, I think I should apply myself to a bottle of beer and some stars. It might do me some good.

[alt_antonin]

It cannot hurt, at least, and the stars at least do not judge.

Sleep well, my dear сестренка, when you do. I hope that it is a quiet night.